Most team friction isn’t about the work. It’s about unspoken expectations around how people work together — and nobody ever asked.

In our latest episode of Agile Driven Impact, I dug into two skills that don’t get nearly enough attention in conversations about high-performing teams: how teammates prefer to give and receive help, and how to give and receive feedback in a way that actually lands.

 

The Help Gap

When you’re stuck on something, what does helpful actually look like for you? Diane breaks down three common help styles — the fixer (jumps in, takes over), the coach (asks questions, won’t give direct answers), and the supporter (validates first, problem-solves second). None of them is wrong. But when a fixer tries to help someone who needs a coach, or hovers over someone who just needs space, friction follows — even with the best of intentions.

The fix isn’t complicated. Ask your teammates. Diane suggests making it part of your team working agreement (https://www.agileinnonprofits.com/7-steps-to-create-a-team-working-agreement/): “When you’re stuck on something, do you want me to jump in, or do you prefer I wait to be asked?” Documenting those preferences (https://www.agileinnonprofits.com/facilitating-greater-impact-the-team-working-agreement/) means the conversation doesn’t have to happen in the middle of a crisis.

 

The Feedback Problem

Feedback is one of the most-requested topics Diane has seen at webinars and trainings over the past year — and it’s an entire chapter in my upcoming book, Playbook for Changemakers (releasing December 1, 2026, with preorder available now). The reason it keeps coming up? Most teams know feedback matters, but very few have talked about how they want it.

Three things make feedback land: timing (is now even a good time?), specificity (“you did great” and “that didn’t work” are both useless), and knowing how the person receives it. Some people want direct. Others need to hear what went right before they can hear what didn’t. Asking upfront doesn’t soften the feedback — it makes it stick.

And receiving feedback is a skill too. The goal isn’t to eliminate defensiveness entirely, but to build enough trust that clarifying questions replace shutting down. As Diane puts it, “feedback is a gift — but we want to make sure it’s a gift the other person can open.”

 

The Bottom Line

High-performing teams are not conflict-free. They’re teams that know each other well enough to work through it. These help and feedback habits are the infrastructure that makes that possible. If your team is struggling with collaboration or burnout, this is often where to start.

 

This week’s challenge: ask one teammate what helpful looks like for them when they’re stuck. Then ask one teammate what one thing you could do differently to make feedback easier between you. You’re not going to solve everything. But you’ll have started the conversation.